as time goes by, things change, almost everything changes, even behaviour. What should we do? progress, stagnate, re-track? I'm someone who finds it hard to adapt to change, however, in order to move on, progress is required. Should I progress to live? Doing things you don't like to do is hard. but what makes you grows is to do the things you don't really like yet do them well.

back to life....

i just completed field camp(FC) and sitest, so so mentally and physically taxing... grrr... almost fell out too.. so disappointing. however i still completed it. Many people told me that once you completed both, you'll feel some sense of satisfaction, surprisingly, i didn't. Probably it's because i went through it with many helping hands of friends.
Many thanks to Fazil the GANGSTER/HANDSOME, Weng Kin, one of the legendary 6 in FC, Samauel the whatsoever, Tommy the Green power ranger, De Kai the friendly BO CHUP.

From now till passing out day, it'll be more of the routine things. I'll be taking things slow and steady to think of what will be ahead for me. Make the right decisions, keep on track.

I'll be watching today, the title gives me the impression that it'll be a nice show. shall see what's in the apple...

sorry about the 'no pictures' entries. however, since entering, i kinda lost my sense of photography, need to get the senses back first. next entry will be on my fish tanks.. ^^

things i'll be doing.. the upcoming next..

Driving license
mum's catalouge
badminton training

I'm quite lost as time passes by. Looking up into the sky, "wide, blue, limitless, infinity, brain, grey, black, unconscious, blank, end."

oh man.. it has been like 2 months plus since i last blogged! haha sorry... i've entered ns.. hmmm... lets see...

things initially didn't go the way they should initially... 6 months back i said i'll chiong ah! and 6 months later i sat in bunk crying... lol! it makes a big difference when your parents do see you there or not ok! its like they made this announcement in the cookhouse after lunch.. "parents, please bid your sons goodbye." then i realise i didn't have anyone to say anything to... the whole day of jan 6 was traumatising for me... however, i managed to start talking to some people beside me, ending up becoming my bunk mates lo! haha!

hmmm... confinement period was a time that really builds the inner self you need. it made me know that i cant rely much on anyone anymore... i felt better when i realise that everyone was on the same boat as me... even though i clicked well with my new friends at bmt, i soon got out of course due to medical conditions... sigh, just when things warm up eh.

new posting arrived; storeman. people there are great to me, probably except 1 that's really boastful about himself, but when the time comes, he still does his work... that's still good. its a very different environment in the new place as i meet very different people compared to bmt... perhaps because during bmt we go through more tough times together.. nevertheless, there's still things i can learn here and i'm still learning. apparently my IC is super busy, i can only help him when he thinks he can pass the job to me, otherwise, he's on his own...

many think that ns is a waste of time, however many told me to try to make full use of this time to learn something. learn something throughout the 2 years so being controlled.

i'm learning, even though i'm not able to show it properly yet, i'm still learning...
after just typing the above sentence, i just had a de javu haha... and i feel like writing this down now...

please give me more time. i know i've made you upset and disappointed in me. i know that you're unhappy about things of me. i just hope you would give me the time i need to show you i'm real, not someone who wears a mask for occasions.

countless times i was asked to stop with the dish plates, i didn't know that was just courtesy, if i did i would continue, i just want to show i care, i love..

i'm sorry.