you know, today is really what a day in the history of my life. my life has never been this dramatic before(though that doesnt mean this is all fake and i dont like it)(its just a bit kua zhang ba). we being the dominating ones have went out of our ways to make what we think we want to work. yet we are still unhappy.

seeing you like this, it made me happy and sad.. sad because i thought you are suppose to be more comfortable, happy because when we broke up, i wished that you will lead a life you want to. which you did...

im glad that we cleared things up.. :') yes the cry baby me still cried alot.. but to be able to cry so much after such a long time of not crying... its a hell better! =D

the thing i said i'll let you know when you reach home? the thing that made me cant sit cant lie down and cant look you in the eyes for a long time? because every inch of me is asking me to hug and kiss you. but no matter how much you mean to me, i should not force myself upon you, even if you are a willing party, i cant afford to upset your him this way too, you will have guilt.

but i surely did miss you alot... alot...

很想念那些年的时光，你不在的日子很奇怪。好像少了一样很重要的东西。我知道少的是你，但我只能后悔没让你过开心的日子，而羡慕你现在的另一半。他一定现在每天睡的很好；因为每一晚，你一定会对他说＂我爱你＂。大了，我也爱你。

samuel told me this. there comes a time when you see her love someone else, and you are happy for her and wishing her well, its the time when you are 75% done.

is it? hmm.. i truly wish her well with her new relationship.. but i dont think im 75%.. but i think thats an improvement? hopefully.. =)

learn to smile again..

sebas just posted a picture of 11:11. stating i wish...

if theres really a wish for all the 11:11s i have seen, i should have made wishes too..

hai... road to recovery... down with hfmd..

irritable, yet reflective.

what am i doing? time stopped..

my blog songs are accompanying me through the night.

even friend's company isnt working this time...

Insomnia
Time Machine

if only a fever hits me, and bad enough to forget, or lock them deep somewhere...

which only happens in dramas...

haha.....HAHAhahaha

ahahahahaha... i think im crazy enough liao haha....

guess what...

CATCH YOUR WAVE .. its in the air.. jurong east swimming complex...

good night dickson goh..

time is relative, so much so that it feels like its really not moving..

haha... im so dumb... it was so obvious yet i couldnt see.. or i just didnt want to acknowledge it... dead blog, u shall accompany me through my life now on... i feel like laughing now... hahaha... laugh at the dumb... xD

im not just blind, stubborn and selfish. im dumb too...

you know, one day, if u do happen to see this, i just want to let you know that my phone is always on for your messages and phone calls 24/7 as a friend.. i wont pass beyond that point anymore cause i wont want to upset both of us..

yep.. thats all for you...

now, live now is crap... attending the module that i failed right, it makes me feel my time has turned back to last semester, till the time when we were still together.. and with the hangover, i feel so damn lousy.. i actually left class and went for a walk, i couldnt take it anymore.. i really feel pathetic...

initially, there wasnt tears at all after the break up, i thought its like ok... but time passed, and time revealed things i never could have seen by myself... thats why im in this state now...

putting a smile up is lying to people.. and people dont read beyond the lines anymore...

no wonder the qoute...

no matter what happens, just smile..

it will pass, it eventually will...

so.....

:)

finally today, i decided to revive this dead blog.. well, at least no one is reading it anymore, and i need somewhere to write things down, guess this is the best place isnt it... =)

after hours of crying, i finally stopped, skipped school today cause i didnt have the strength to get up, plus no point going school and let everyone see the puffy red eyes and a shag face without sleep..

you gave me an answer, i really thank you for that, i have been like in my own dumb world without any clue whats happening..

honestly, i cannot remember clearly how did we fight, i only remember that faithful day, you were at my house, you tried to kiss me, you asked me to kiss you back, and i didnt..... what was in my mind then... the fight... i was like unable to control my thoughts that we fought over that i didnt accompany you for our holidays. and dumb as i am, i didnt think of the fact that we finally was able to meet after so long... :(( i truly am sorry...

and i asked for a time out.. again... breaking your heart once more, i promised once that im not suppose to do this but i totally didnt remember, all i remember was the last time out before this, you laughed at me saying that our time out never lasted for more than 1 day, i was upset, i was so upset i got blinded and asked for one once more... :(

you're right, being in a relationship i should have placed more priority on you than anything else. you were spot on that i neglected you, and what was on my mind? work and work and quickly pay off the debts, so new year more auspicious. in the end, i work so much, i lost you, until today i still havent get paid, i lost a close friendship too... :(

i admit, i was a little heated in the argument we had about the holiday's spending time with each other. i really just let myself loose and just went crazy. you're half right on this, its not because i purposefully go out and meet my friends this year. its just that the previous years, i didnt attend... and i thought that since our relationship is relatively stable, u might understand. i should have informed you, clarified if you were ok with it, i should have, but I DIDN'T.... :((

having a time out doesnt necessarily means all bad, love, but what i missed out this time was the feelings and thoughts of yours. love didnt like timeouts at all, love didnt mind about fights, she just didnt want time outs. something that i overlooked.... :(( and i got love's heart broken once again... i am pathetic....

having so much fights, gone through so many time outs, and the ordeals we've gone through were things no ordinary couple can survive in 3 years, i didnt manage to answer your question as your message is too long, i want to reply you asap... we are suitable for each other.. but i was too self-centered..... =( im sorry love...

love, ive been trying to give my care and concern for our babies, but just looking at them every single day, it hurts me so much...especially the times when we clean cages together.. we paired them tgt, and worrying that they might fight with one another, watching them anxiously... and going to places to look for them, buying their cages, etc.... their OUR gems. not just mine... im really in pain.... :((

if my facebook shows that im happy from what you see... i think i have been doing a good job... i also made sure that if you logged in my acct, you will think im doing perfectly fine without you... perhaps this is one dumb thing ive done... :((

i wasnt being selfish not telling you why i made the choice, i was too messed up in the head i really didnt know what to do.. i didnt consult anyone or anything... and the only thing that keeps crossing my mind is that in the end, i want you to be with me.. i keep remembering you told me about your teacher meeting her husband 10 years later and got married.. i was really hoping the same for us but not that long... I REALLY DIDNT WANT TO LEAVE YOU!!!! I DIDNT........... i really love you so damn much i would do anything..... anything now... but the worst thing now is, i have no idea anymore how to let you know............. that i miss you so much, i love you a lot, and i would do anything to get you back.....

i really wasnt trying to be selfish love, i really wasnt trying to be the 'da nan ren zhu yi' kind, i really was so messed up i didnt know what to do.... please believe me love... i didnt mean it that way... i really didnt mean to overlook what you said to me... i was really confused..

yes i am selfish that i dont want to see you getting married to another man when im still in love with you, but i really didnt mean to be selfish in the sense that i didnt want to make the decision with you. i really didnt mean it that way... love im really so so sorry...

gene, i will never forget you, you are the person who matters to me more than anyone... i can never forget you, some of the fights that cause you to changed to another person, the sweet little girl that needs me to care for so delicately, the sweet moments and occasions we shared, national day, my birthdays, your birthdays, the ice cream cake, the lily, pizzahut, when you kissed me at the stairs and i turned into a tomato, when i tried to kiss you and you shunt away, the songs we like and sang together, the comforting hugs, the shooting star we saw together, the limitless sky we laid on the deck and gazed, the wish we made upon the shooting star. we never shared with each other this before, i made this wish," please let us have a happily ever after" i told you not to say yours cause our wishes would be the same... these halcyon days we spent together will remain golden in my memories.

gene, i love you, this is the true reply i should have sent to you, but i panicked in replying you this morning cause i dont want to miss my chance to reply you, all these are from the bottom of my heart, from the place that love you the most, i really miss you alot, i know its late, i know i am late, late in replying you, late in caring for you, i really want our love story to continue on... we have really been through hell, and nothing will probably beat this anymore, gene, wo qiu qiu ni gei wo duo yi ci ji hui hao ma? wo zhen de qiu qiu ni...... :(( wo ai ni....

didn't get my uv light, but i got algae control chemical...
my co2 setup is up,
i watched ip man 2 but not iron man 2
(many people told me iron man 2 doesn't worth the money..)




what's next?? i dont know...

people need to learn that forcing people to do things for you when they dont want to will get negative social points... they need to know that they cant always just work on their mood... its actually quite painful for the person rejecting too... hai... sometimes i do wish prayers get heard some day...