oh man.. it has been like 2 months plus since i last blogged! haha sorry... i've entered ns.. hmmm... lets see...

things initially didn't go the way they should initially... 6 months back i said i'll chiong ah! and 6 months later i sat in bunk crying... lol! it makes a big difference when your parents do see you there or not ok! its like they made this announcement in the cookhouse after lunch.. "parents, please bid your sons goodbye." then i realise i didn't have anyone to say anything to... the whole day of jan 6 was traumatising for me... however, i managed to start talking to some people beside me, ending up becoming my bunk mates lo! haha!

hmmm... confinement period was a time that really builds the inner self you need. it made me know that i cant rely much on anyone anymore... i felt better when i realise that everyone was on the same boat as me... even though i clicked well with my new friends at bmt, i soon got out of course due to medical conditions... sigh, just when things warm up eh.

new posting arrived; storeman. people there are great to me, probably except 1 that's really boastful about himself, but when the time comes, he still does his work... that's still good. its a very different environment in the new place as i meet very different people compared to bmt... perhaps because during bmt we go through more tough times together.. nevertheless, there's still things i can learn here and i'm still learning. apparently my IC is super busy, i can only help him when he thinks he can pass the job to me, otherwise, he's on his own...

many think that ns is a waste of time, however many told me to try to make full use of this time to learn something. learn something throughout the 2 years so being controlled.

i'm learning, even though i'm not able to show it properly yet, i'm still learning...
after just typing the above sentence, i just had a de javu haha... and i feel like writing this down now...

please give me more time. i know i've made you upset and disappointed in me. i know that you're unhappy about things of me. i just hope you would give me the time i need to show you i'm real, not someone who wears a mask for occasions.

countless times i was asked to stop with the dish plates, i didn't know that was just courtesy, if i did i would continue, i just want to show i care, i love..

i'm sorry.