after hours of crying, i finally stopped, skipped school today cause i didnt have the strength to get up, plus no point going school and let everyone see the puffy red eyes and a shag face without sleep..
you gave me an answer, i really thank you for that, i have been like in my own dumb world without any clue whats happening..
honestly, i cannot remember clearly how did we fight, i only remember that faithful day, you were at my house, you tried to kiss me, you asked me to kiss you back, and i didnt..... what was in my mind then... the fight... i was like unable to control my thoughts that we fought over that i didnt accompany you for our holidays. and dumb as i am, i didnt think of the fact that we finally was able to meet after so long... :(( i truly am sorry...
and i asked for a time out.. again... breaking your heart once more, i promised once that im not suppose to do this but i totally didnt remember, all i remember was the last time out before this, you laughed at me saying that our time out never lasted for more than 1 day, i was upset, i was so upset i got blinded and asked for one once more... :(
you're right, being in a relationship i should have placed more priority on you than anything else. you were spot on that i neglected you, and what was on my mind? work and work and quickly pay off the debts, so new year more auspicious. in the end, i work so much, i lost you, until today i still havent get paid, i lost a close friendship too... :(
i admit, i was a little heated in the argument we had about the holiday's spending time with each other. i really just let myself loose and just went crazy. you're half right on this, its not because i purposefully go out and meet my friends this year. its just that the previous years, i didnt attend... and i thought that since our relationship is relatively stable, u might understand. i should have informed you, clarified if you were ok with it, i should have, but I DIDN'T.... :((
having a time out doesnt necessarily means all bad, love, but what i missed out this time was the feelings and thoughts of yours. love didnt like timeouts at all, love didnt mind about fights, she just didnt want time outs. something that i overlooked.... :(( and i got love's heart broken once again... i am pathetic....
having so much fights, gone through so many time outs, and the ordeals we've gone through were things no ordinary couple can survive in 3 years, i didnt manage to answer your question as your message is too long, i want to reply you asap... we are suitable for each other.. but i was too self-centered..... =( im sorry love...
love, ive been trying to give my care and concern for our babies, but just looking at them every single day, it hurts me so much...especially the times when we clean cages together.. we paired them tgt, and worrying that they might fight with one another, watching them anxiously... and going to places to look for them, buying their cages, etc.... their OUR gems. not just mine... im really in pain.... :((
if my facebook shows that im happy from what you see... i think i have been doing a good job... i also made sure that if you logged in my acct, you will think im doing perfectly fine without you... perhaps this is one dumb thing ive done... :((
i wasnt being selfish not telling you why i made the choice, i was too messed up in the head i really didnt know what to do.. i didnt consult anyone or anything... and the only thing that keeps crossing my mind is that in the end, i want you to be with me.. i keep remembering you told me about your teacher meeting her husband 10 years later and got married.. i was really hoping the same for us but not that long... I REALLY DIDNT WANT TO LEAVE YOU!!!! I DIDNT........... i really love you so damn much i would do anything..... anything now... but the worst thing now is, i have no idea anymore how to let you know............. that i miss you so much, i love you a lot, and i would do anything to get you back.....
i really wasnt trying to be selfish love, i really wasnt trying to be the 'da nan ren zhu yi' kind, i really was so messed up i didnt know what to do.... please believe me love... i didnt mean it that way... i really didnt mean to overlook what you said to me... i was really confused..
yes i am selfish that i dont want to see you getting married to another man when im still in love with you, but i really didnt mean to be selfish in the sense that i didnt want to make the decision with you. i really didnt mean it that way... love im really so so sorry...
gene, i will never forget you, you are the person who matters to me more than anyone... i can never forget you, some of the fights that cause you to changed to another person, the sweet little girl that needs me to care for so delicately, the sweet moments and occasions we shared, national day, my birthdays, your birthdays, the ice cream cake, the lily, pizzahut, when you kissed me at the stairs and i turned into a tomato, when i tried to kiss you and you shunt away, the songs we like and sang together, the comforting hugs, the shooting star we saw together, the limitless sky we laid on the deck and gazed, the wish we made upon the shooting star. we never shared with each other this before, i made this wish," please let us have a happily ever after" i told you not to say yours cause our wishes would be the same... these halcyon days we spent together will remain golden in my memories.
gene, i love you, this is the true reply i should have sent to you, but i panicked in replying you this morning cause i dont want to miss my chance to reply you, all these are from the bottom of my heart, from the place that love you the most, i really miss you alot, i know its late, i know i am late, late in replying you, late in caring for you, i really want our love story to continue on... we have really been through hell, and nothing will probably beat this anymore, gene, wo qiu qiu ni gei wo duo yi ci ji hui hao ma? wo zhen de qiu qiu ni...... :(( wo ai ni....
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